I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
