fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
