hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
