Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
