Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
