ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
