Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
