She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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