I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
