So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize