I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
