It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
