I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
