Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
