she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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