I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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