yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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