i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
