I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
