we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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