based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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