Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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