Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
