What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
