Your tits are I can't wait for
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
