its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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