i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
