Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Congratulations! We have a period
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