I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize