The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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