It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
