I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
