the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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