thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
