That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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