ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize