I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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