Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
