It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
