Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
