I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
