i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
