i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
