my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize