Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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