just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
