I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
