I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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