I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
