Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
