This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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