My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
