she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
