I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
