Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im six kinds of drunk right now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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