He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
