If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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