i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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