she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
