Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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