New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize