i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
