you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize