I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize