So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
