No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
