I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
