My hand turned me down
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
