Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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