just tell him i said nine months
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
