flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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