Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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