I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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