In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
