I need to stop coming to work sober
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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